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Newsletter Archive

August 2008

What is one thing all these phrases have in common?

  • IF I EVEN TRY TO DO SOMETHING I’M SURE TO FAIL
  • I’M WORTHLESS
  • I DON’T DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL BECAUSE ALL I DO IS DISSAPPOINT PEOPLE
  • MY LIFE IS A MESS THEREFORE I’M A MESS
  • I EXPECT SO MUCH FROM MYSELF AND FROM OTHERS THAT EVEN I DON’T MEET MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS.
  • WHY BOTHER TRYING? IT ONLY HURTS MORE WHEN I FAIL?

When you think of the term “failure” what many people don’t realise is that someone is affected by this everyday. A sense of failure is debilitating in the sense that many people who feel like they’ve failed “life” lack the confidence and self esteem they should rightly feel.

There are simple ways of addressing feelings of failure or inadequacy. Such as:

  1. Write a list out and instead of dwelling on all the negative things in your life write down your successes and any skills you possess that you feel are important in your life?
  1. Simple things such as taking a step back and learning to live in the present instead of dwelling on the past. The past is past and cannot be changed, the future is yet to come and the now is what is most important for you to remember.
  1. Set realistic expectations, perfection is often unachievable so stop worrying about disappointing those around you about your failures. The positives are that at least you tried; so don’t be afraid to get back up on the proverbial horse.
  1. Start small and plan your goals and expectations in stages, so each stage becomes more attainable and you can easily achieve your goals.

Why do people get so caught up in failure?

There are many reasons why someone will allow failure to impact on their life. Often parents can have unreasonable expectations of their children and it is a behavioural pattern that can progress through generations. This pattern becomes so ingrained in a person’s psyche that often we are unaware of what it is we are doing.

We look at success as the ultimate goal and believe that once we achieve this then all will be right. The problem with this view is that many people have high expectations that are unattainable. Increased stress, lack of confidence, negative thoughts and high expectations often compound the sense of inadequacy leading to a person’s feeling of failure.

If you feel like talking to a counsellor to assist you in making the changes you need to improve your quality of life. Why not give us a call on (07) 3862 6622.

Useful References

Until next time then…

“Perfectionism is a dangerous state of mind in an imperfect world. The best way is to forget doubts and set about the task in hand… If you are doing your best, you will not have time to worry about failure” – Robert Silliman Hillyer