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February 2010
Virginity and Chastity: How to approach the subject with your children?
A recent debate has been played out in the media between waring political factions, they all started with a statement made by Tony Abbott regarding how he might advise his daughters on the issue of sex before marriage?
Tony Abbott said “It (sex before marriage) happens … I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question … it is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving, and don’t give it to someone lightly, that is what I would say.”.
But many media outlets and political commentators appeared to have taken this statement out of its original context, the answer is not a reflection on women in Australia, but simply how he would advise his daughter, should they ask.
It is important when speaking to your children about sex and the issue of their virginity, to approach the subject in a non confrontational way. Many teenagers are well aware of the ins and outs of sex, not because they may have already had sex but simply because of how it is portrayed in the media, films and what they are taught in sex education programs in schools. It is unrealistic and naive to expect your child to be completely unaware of the topic.
For many virginity ceased to be a virtue a long time ago, women have come to the conclusion that they are perfectly capable of making their own choices – not least when they relate to sex. But there are some simple rules we could instil with both our daughters and our sons such as;
If it is going to happen
- Be prepared and use contraceptives such as the pill and condoms to avoid unwanted pregnancies.
- Make sure you are both ready
- It is never too late to say No and wait
- Be aware of the risks and take precautions to avoid contracting sexually transmitted infections.
- Most importantly; Do it for the right reasons
Sometimes, it is useful to speak to someone about how to communicate effectively with your teenager, since you don’t want to appear to be lecturing you son or daughter. We at Clayfield Counselling Services have a number of suitably qualified counsellors and psychologists who would be happy to discuss how to implement a number of useful strategies when communicating with your teenager.
References
Tony Abbott and the Price of Virginity, (Jan 29 2010), Vol 20, No 1, http://www.eurekastreet.com.au/article.aspx?aeid=19061
The Herald Sun, Jan 26 2010, “Women’s virginity ‘a precious gift’, says Opposition Leader Tony Abbott”, http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/womens-virginity-a-precious-gift-says-opposition-leader-tony-abbott/story-e6frf7jo-1225823430036
Quote of the Month
“To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.” - John Marshall