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March 2010
Why is it you hear stories of couples being together for a number of years and as soon as two little words are uttered, they often break up. The words are “marriage” and “children”. What makes these words, break up a relationship at their mere utterance?
There are two questions men must ask themselves when they look at a woman that they love:
- Is this the person I want to wake up to every morning
- Is this the woman who I want to bear my children
If the answers to these questions leave you up in the air, then perhaps this is not the right relationship for you. It is better to confront these problems early in a relationship, rather than 10 years down the track and not liking your answer. Because for many the emotional pain in ten years far outweighs the emotional pain of a few months.
However, it is important to understand that it isn’t just men, who have commitment issues, because many women do as well. The difference is that most women recognise the pattern and speak to someone about it and know how to be open with their emotions.
But there is no magic solution or immediate cure for men or women who are commitment wary; instead it takes time and patience. Sometimes it can be an event or specific relationship that can causes a grown man to shudder at the mere mention of marriage. Perhaps his parents or someone he knows was married and he saw they became a different person, that they lost a part of themselves. We are all wary of giving too much away and losing ourselves in a relationship, it may start with the small things, but eventually those small things become issues of contention.
So it is no wonder men are especially reluctant to commit to a relationship, because there is an expectation that they will lose a part of themselves. It is important to communicate at the early stages of any relationship, “If a man openly tells you that he doesn’t want any children” then it is unlikely you will be able to change his mind. We need to put all our cards on the table, and not expect the other person to change, because it is unrealistic and this is where problems arise.
If you are a commitment wary man or woman and would like to understand why you cannot be open to change then we have a number of qualified counsellors and psychologist who would be only too happy to assist you in implementing positive life changes, then please call our office on 07 3862 6622.
Quote of the Month
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes: but no plans” – Peter F Drucker