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April 2010
There comes a time in some relationship when this stalemate question rears itself and can make you question your relationship. There is no magic solution or one answer to this age old question. It all depends of how you feel the relationship is benefitting you and what you gain from it.
It is not a question that once asked can be pushed down into the depth of your consciousness; it isn’t something you can ignore and hope it goes away. Instead you need to face the issue head on and quite simply don’t be afraid to confront your fears about a relationship that isn’t working. One of the main feelings that people in these situations feel is ‘confusion’, the decision to stay in a relationship or to leave is not one which can be taken lightly. It is about making a decision and not looking back, a common occurrence for many couples is after making the decision about their relationship, for one reason or another they change their minds. This “back flip” is one of the main contributors to confusion and hesitation.
What can I do?
Sometimes time can be an important factor in any relationship, when you ask these questions of each other, take a few weeks to talk and communicate, make the decisions together. It is important for couples to keep the lines of communication open, so that each person can express their feelings and thoughts on the relationship.
Some of the major reasons for the “should I stay or should I go” questions, arise out of our expectations and how we feel we should act in certain situations, one example is the issue of whether a couple get married.
This can make or break a relationship: some important questions are
- When did the issue of marriage arise?
- Is there an external pressure leading you to make the decision about marriage? i.e. parents with traditional values.
- Are you only considering marriage because it is the accepted social norm after being in a relationship for some time?
- Or was it casually brought up or was there an ultimatum?
Just because couples have been together for many years, doesn’t necessarily mean that they should get married, sometimes people are the happiest when they make their own decision without letting the expectations of others affect them
If you are in a relationship, where the question “should I stay or should I leave?” has arisen, sometimes the best option is to have relationship counselling. We at Clayfield CounsellingServices believe that sometimes we all need an emotional tune up, and it is important for people in a relationship to have open lines of communication.
Quote of the Month
“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.” – Stephen R. Covey