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June 2010
Overcoming dependencies in relationships
Being obsessive in a relationship is not healthy, no one wants to come home to questions like “Where have you been?” “Why didn’t you call when you where leaving?” These dependant behaviours can be damaging to the relationship.
It is important to remember that sometimes breathing space is just as important as spending quality time with one another. There are two types of dependencies; the first involves the obsessive partner, always questioning your motives. The other type; is the submissive partner who will bow to their mate and leave all the important decision to the other person.
Neither of these are healthy behaviours in any relationship, it is important to be open and honest when talking to your partner. For some people, jealousy is a motivator for possessiveness in a relationship. If you are able to acknowledge you are insecure in the relationship, and discuss this issue with your partner, it may help to rebuild the relationship. By acknowledging the fear, you are taking away its ability to control your thoughts and actions.
Other times, dependency can be brought on because one person feels insecure about the relationship. By talking to a counsellor this will allow you to give voice to these fears and implement strategies to become more assertive and secure within your relationship.
Sometimes we are exposed to these unhealthy relationship dynamics when you were growing up. Our parents are our greatest role models, and when one parent is submissive and dependant on the other, this can impact on our own relationship dynamics.
To overcome dependency, it is important to:
- Recognise that in every relationship there is me time, you time and we time, by investing all your time in ‘we’ time you are only fostering dependence.
- Have separate interests, as well as shared interests, sometimes we need to be able to breathe in a relationship.
- If you are the one who is feeling insecure, speaking to a counsellor is helpful to gain strategies to address the problem.
Quote of the Month
“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy” – Anonymous