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Newsletter Archive

July 2010

The Effects of Infertility on a Relationship

Men and women both deal with infertility in different ways, this can be for a number of reasons, for example; family background, preconceived notions and expectations of gender and also for biological reasons.

Without over generalising the issue, women tend to be the “emotional caretakers” in a relationship, simply because sometimes men have difficulty expressing their feelings and emotions. Women who are experiencing infertility often take it upon themselves, to internalise their feeling, feeling that they have failed their life partner. This can be damaging to their self esteem and the long term insecurities can eat away at the relationship.

Men on the other hand, often feel a need to be “providers” for their partner; they go to work, earn the money and gain a sense of satisfaction from being able to provide for their family. Men with infertility issues often feel overwhelmed by their partner’s feelings. But it is important to recognise that men also experience feelings of guilt, anger and frustration. However, men are more inclined to funnel all of these feelings into another avenue such as work and sports, where success can be measured.

The emotional impact of infertility on a relationship can be damaging, but there are ways that a couple can begin to listen to each other’s needs and make it through to the other side.

Here are some suggestions to help both partners during the infertility process:

  • Communicate openly with each other.
  • Realise there’s no right or wrong way to feel. Getting in touch with your feelings will help you know what you need. Once needs are identified, clearly and specifically tell your partner how to help you.
  • Ask your partner what she/he needs rather than assuming that you can/cannot give it.
  • Recognize the psychological and emotional differences between men and women.
  • See if you can teach each other some of the skills you’ve learned from your own life experiences as man or woman.
  • Share more in the process of treatment. Share both the burdens and joys of your different perceptions/experiences of infertility. It will help to balance the intensity and bring you closer with a deeper respect for each other

If you are experiencing difficulties in communicating with your partner, it may be useful to attend relationship counselling, to provide you with the framework and a place to start. It is important to recognise that you are not alone, infertility affects many people and asking for help is not something you should be afraid of. Often, most people just need coping strategies and a way to break the ice if communication is a problem in your relationship.

Quote of the Month

“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” – Charles Jones

References