Clayfield Counselling Services

Newsletter Archive

August 2010

IVF and its Effects on the Relationship

For many couples, who are unable to conceive a child naturally, IVF becomes the next step in the long road to parenthood. However, the emotional, physical and financial impact of IVF will most likely affect the relationship.

The Emotional Impact

Men and women react differently to emotions, whereas a woman is more likely to want to talk through what she is feeling, often men feel the need to internalise their feelings. Perhaps because they are unable to process emotions or simply because they don’t want to upset their partner any further. IVF is a process that doesn’t always work with one treatment, this means that each time a couple have an IVF treatment they are investing all their emotions into the outcome. When it isn’t a positive outcome, feelings such as grief, depression, anger and resentment can fester. These feelings will have a negative effect on any relationship, the important thing you can do, is talk to one another and if you are finding that difficult, talking to a counsellor who isn’t emotionally invested is helpful.

One of the most difficult parts of IVF; is getting your life back on track if it doesn’t succeed. Both men and women can experience an emotional upheaval, sometimes the best solution is to talk to someone about how you are coping.

The Physical Cost

IVF is a process that can impact on a woman’s hormones and body, the process involves administering the hormone FSH to produce more eggs for collection and later fertilisation. Once the eggs are implanted back into a woman she is given Progesterone, which counters the FSH hormone. Some common side effects from this are: mood swings, hot flushes, cold feet, high blood pressure, anxiety, insomnia, headaches and irritability.  However, these side effects are presumably short lived, so it is important for couples to be more accepting of each other during this time. It is a highly stressful time for both a man and a woman and taking time to nurture the individual as well as the relationship is very important.

The Financial Impact

Australia is one of the few countries where the cost of IVF doesn’t run into the tens of thousands. In Australia, the cost per cycle is generally around $ 2000 – 3000, because it is subsidised by Medicare Safety Net Rebate and Private Health Funds. However, if you do not have private health this price would more than likely increase. The Medicare safety Net applies only once a qualifying patient has reached their safety net threshold. However, IVF clinics generally warn couples that it can take up to three cycles before a woman conceives. For most people, this can be a huge financial burden. It is important for couples to honestly look at their finances, and make a decision on how much they can afford, it may happen on the first cycle, but it is important to plan a contingency for all eventualities.

Things that will help couples cope with the IVF process are:

• Being open and honest with one another about all aspects of the process, including the emotional, financial and physical impact on the woman’s body
• Accepting that there are some things that are out of your control, and that no one is to blame if the process doesn’t work
• Having a close support network, people who you can share your thoughts and feelings with during the process.

Quote of the Month

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” – Denis Waitley