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September 2010
Adoption: The Impact on the Relationship
For many couples who are unable to fall pregnant naturally or unable to conceive a child for some reason or another, IVF and adoption become a viable options.
Adoption for many couple experiencing infertility comes after many years of searching for treatments and alternative options. As mentioned in our previous edition of ClayfieldCounselling E Newsletter, infertility can have a devastating effect for not only the individual but the relationship as well. For some couples, adoption becomes the last resort, in their personal struggle to conceive a child.
The choice to adopt, while it sounds simple, is anything but. There are a number of different avenues a couple can seek when wishing to adopt a child. There are inter-country adoptions, local adoptions and known child adoptions. Australia has extremely low rates of adoption, which can make the process a very lengthy and costly one in our country.
What is difficult for some couples is what happens once they have adopted a child? How do they learn to bond with a child who isn’t their biological child? How do they form an emotional attachment when they are unsure of how they feel about the child?
Research suggests that attachment is a learned ability where emotional connections between a parent and child are nurtured over time through mutual interaction and is based on trust. With children who have been adopted they must make an immediate emotional attachment to their adoptive parents.
Some adopted children struggle to deal with separation and loss from what they have always known. So it is sometimes the case that they have difficulty accepting their new home environment. It is likely that these changes will be temporary as the child adjusts to their new environment.
These issues can cause tension in the relationship between partners, if you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties after adopting a child, then counselling would be beneficial. Sometimes, people just need an outlet, and sometimes we all need coping strategies, to help with our problems.
Quote of the Month
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections”.