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October 2010
Narcissistic Personalities
Living with someone who has the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of the most challenging times a person can face.
The American Psychological Association identifies nine traits of narcissists, five of which need to be present for someone to be diagnosed with a narcissistic disorder.
- Feels grandiose and self important for reasons not supported by reality
- Obsesses with fantasies about unlimited success, fame, power or omnipotence
- Believes he/or she is unique or a high status person
- Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention, and affirmation
- Feels a sense of entitlement
- Exploits others without remorse or guilt
- Is devoid of empathy – they are unable to see that other people have feelings.
- Tends to be envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
- Displays arrogant and haughty behaviour
The problem is that throughout the relationship there will be bouts of emotional and verbal abuse, your needs and wants are often seen as unimportant to people who present with NPD.
This type of emotional abuse can be draining and can be devastating on any relationship. You may suffer from low self esteem, and can ultimately become co dependant on your partner, because they have wheedled down your defences.
Is there a treatment option?
There is no known treatment for someone who has NPD, you cannot hope that they will suddenly realise how they are behaving and change, because to them, they aren’t doing anything wrong.
What can I do?
There is no miracle option, you can either learn to live with the person and accept that they aren’t going to change and be as open and honest with yourself as possible, or for some ending the relationship may be the only option.
If you want to leave the relationship, it is important to recognise it isn’t as simple as packing up and leaving the house. People who have NPD can be very manipulative and when confronted can become quite hostile, this can prompt violent outbursts, which can have devastating effects. This is not to say that everyone who has NPD can be violent, it is simply to say that all human beings have the propensity for violence and it is important to be open and honest with yourself about the situation.
If you feel unsafe, there are avenues you can take to make the breakup as safe as possible; this could include surrounding yourself with people who can help you if there are any problems and in the extreme seeking legal advice.
Another option is counselling which is important because it will enable you to process the relationship in a safe and non threatening environment. It can also help build your self esteem and self worth so that you feel strong enough to make life altering decisions.