Clayfield Counselling Services

Newsletter Archive

April 2011

News

Welcome back, it is hard to believe that we are nearing the end of April, this year has flown blown us all. We would like to wish Beverley Hulme, one of our psychologists who will be away for the next few months, traversing the oceans in her sail boat, good luck and a safe return. We’d also like to welcome Dr. Katherine Horrigan, a clinical psychologist, who will be joining our team. Katherine specialises in the area of children and substance addictions and she is a welcome addition to our practice.

With the Easter long weekend fast approaching, for many it will be a time where families and friends gather to spend time with one another. For this newsletter, we thought it might be useful to discuss the importance of implementing boundaries in relationships and friendships.

Boundaries: What are they?

For many people, no matter what time of year it is they’re unable to respect the wishes of those around them. Family events become a time where they feel their needs are above those of others. Boundaries are important in any relationship because they provide the structure that some relationships require.
Boundaries define who we are, they establish an order in our lives and many of these are unspoken rules that we and those around us abide by, for example we know stealing is illegal. But what many people find difficult to accept, aside from boundaries for material objects, it the importance of implementing emotional, physical, spiritual and mental boundaries for self.

Am I a ‘Yes’ Person?

It is essential to know when to say “Yes” and when to say “No”. Sometimes people feel that the only option is to say “Yes”, whether this is because they have gotten into the habit of behaving this way, or out of fear of rejection. If you are a ‘Yes’ person, you may be feeling, broken, lonely, angry, distressed, victimized, anxious, unsupported, exhausted and empty. You’ll often find yourself saying ‘Yes’ when you clearly feel it should be a ‘No’. For some even when you say ‘no’, others disregard this, and you let them blur the lines.
For people who have lost themselves within a relationship and the lines between boundaries have blurred, it is important to take back control in your life, because no one has the right to breach your personal and emotional boundaries unless you let them. Set the rules with people; if they are having difficulty respecting your boundaries and your wishes, reinforce: it may become tiring but it is important to not lose yourself. If others are unwilling to concede, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your relationship or friendship. The most important thing here is reinforcement, if you say “No”, you have to mean it, and by reinforcing yourself, you are setting the boundaries and the rules by which you wish to live.

It can be hard though….

Sometimes though, it is easier said than done, it’s all well and good for someone to advocate standing up for oneself and setting boundaries; the reality though, is that sometimes it isn’t easy to change a lifetime of being a ‘Yes’ person. Saying ‘No’ can wear a person down; sometimes we might even fall back into bad behaviours, because it is easier or we feel guilty because we are afraid of how others will perceive us. If you are unclear of who you are and how you feel you deserve to be treated, there is always going to be someone who can penetrate your boundaries and mould you into who and what they want. Boundary-setting, is based on the belief in ourselves: if you are unclear about your boundaries or sending the wrong signal to those around you, counselling can be helpful in redirecting your resolve. We can provide strategies and positive reinforcement about one’s self, and enable you to develop and effectively implement boundaries in relationships.

Thought of the Month

When you respect your own “NO!” then others will, too. - Anonymous
Sometimes, “No” has to be so strong that there are many fences around it to make sure it stays, “No.” – Anonymous
http://www.inspirational-motivational-quotes.com/giving-quotes.html