Welcome to the December edition of our newsletter, this year seems to have flown past us and Christmas is nearly upon us. This will be the last emailed newsletter, but don’t fear they will still be available on the website and on our new Facebook page.

Jenny Collier has recently completed her Masters in Sexual Health and is available for sexual health and sexual dysfunction counselling.
This year we will be closed from 22nd December and reopen our doors on 9th January 2012. If you find that you need someone to talk to during this period a list of crisis numbers have been listed at the bottom of this newsletter.

Christmas: A Time for Giving

This year has been tough for many Australian families. The Christmas season is already upon us and some are still trying to get back on their feet after the floods, cyclones and bushfires that have ravaged Australia this past year. Christmas time can be tough for everyone. It is the time of year to reflect and be thankful of what we have. Although we often find ourselves focusing on what we don’t have and what we have lost. For many of us this Christmas will be very different. We welcome new members to our families and are reminded of those we have lost. Some of us will find it harder to put food on the table, gifts under the tree or even keep the family home. Others have even found themselves without a home or their family.

Christmas means different things to different people. For some it is a time for family, for healing, for giving and for others a nightmare, a stressor or filled with loneliness. This Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not, why not open your hearts and be charitable to those in need? This doesn’t necessarily mean donating money; you could donate clothing, food or old toys or even donate your time and volunteer instead. Nor does it necessarily relate solely to charities, you could give to your family, friends, neighbours or strangers. You could try to make this season less stressful by helping out more around the house or less lonely by reaching out to someone. By helping other people you can also be helping yourself. Volunteering is a great way to relieve loneliness and meet new people. The gift of forgiveness can rekindle a relationship and help those involved move on. Simple acts of kindness can make someone’s world that little bit brighter. So this Christmas season spare what you can, even if it’s only a smile because the power of a smile is unmeasurable.

If you or someone you know needs support, counselling can be an effective way to learn coping and management strategies. For more information on our services please visit our website www.clayfieldcounselling.com.au or call us on 07 3862 6622 and we would be happy to assist you with your enquiries.

Crisis Help lines

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 (free call)
Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978

Quote of the Month

“Somehow, not only for Christmas, but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing the poor and lonely and sad, the more of your heart’s possessing returns to you glad.” – John Greenleaf Whittier

Everyone has a point in their lives where they have been discriminated against. Perhaps it was being refused service at a restaurant because of the way you dressed or a football game for cheering the opposing team. Discrimination can be unfair and even harmful when it disadvantages an individual by making a big deal out of unimportant or irrelevant differences so that it affects someone’s education, employment, housing, or status in society.

People are discriminated against every day for various reasons:

• Race, colour, national or ethnic origin
• Sex, pregnancy or marital status
• Age
• Disability
• Religious affiliations
• Sexual preferences
• And many more.

Australia is no stranger to discrimination. Over history, Australians have dealt with all types of discrimination be it racial, religious, gender, etc. That is not to say that we are behind on the times when it comes to discrimination, Australia was one of the first nations in the world to give women the vote and allow them to sit for parliament.

Why do we discriminate?

Humans are social beings and prefer to affiliate in relatively small groups of similar others. In order to achieve this, barriers are sometimes put up to protect the group’s identity and keep out people who are “different”. The barriers generally focus on negative stereotypes of an individual or group outside their own. These negative stereotypes can help justify the desire to exclude certain people. They can also fuel even more prejudice and discrimination against the group or person. As human beings we can be quite cautious or even fearful of anything or anyone new or different. This may be biologically rooted, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or mean we as humans cannot progress past such primitive emotions.

How can we stop discrimination?

In this the 21st Century, with round the clock access to television and the internet it is a lot easier to become more familiar with outside groups than it was for our forefathers. Just as easily as it can help alleviate discrimination, the media can also add fuel to the discrimination fire. Discrimination must be targeted on both a personal and community level in order to decrease it. Over the past 30 years the Federal Government as well as the state and territory governments have introduced anti-discrimination legislation to protect people against discrimination and harassment. The effectiveness of these laws could be aided by an increase in education about discrimination, to help distinguish between what is and isn’t discrimination.

Discrimination can cause psychological distress, which in turn can lead to more serious mental health problems. If you or someone you know needs support, counselling can be an effective way to determine the next step and learn coping strategies. For more information on our services please visit our website www.clayfieldcounselling.com.au or call us on 07 3862 6622 and we would be happy to assist you with your enquiries.

Quote of the Month

“One day our descendents will think it is incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex beings.” - Franklin Thomas

References

Australian Human Rights Commission
http://www.humanismforschools.org.uk/pdfs/Discrimination%20and%20Prejudice%20%28final%29.pdf
Anti Discrimination Commission Queensland

The word ‘spectrum’ is used because the range and severity of the difficulties people with an ASD experience can vary widely. ASDs include autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder and pervasive developmental disorder – not otherwise stated, which is also known as atypical autism. Sometimes the word “autism” is used to refer to all ASDs.

http://www.autismspectrum.org.au/a2i1i1l237l113/what-is-autism.htm

There is no cure for ASDs. Therapies and behavioural interventions are designed to remedy specific symptoms and can bring about substantial improvement. The ideal treatment plan coordinates therapies and interventions that meet the specific needs of individual children. Most health care professionals agree that the earlier the intervention, the better.

There are many resources available on the internet or through the family doctor about ASD, for parents, siblings and carers. However, this newsletter will focus on the importance of self care for parents and carers. It can be a traumatic time in any parent’s life to discover that their child is different to other children, that what might seem normal to other families is vastly different in your own. It is important that parents and carers gain coping strategies, otherwise the risk of burnout is higher and who will care for your family if you are unable to.

There are a number of things you can do to cope with all the changes and additional stressors in your life, one of the most helpful is counselling. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Let someone know what you are going through and how you feel. Someone who just listens can be a great source of strength. If you can’t get out of the house, use the phone to call a friend.

Another option may be to consider joining a support group. It may be helpful to listen or talk to people who have been or are going through a similar experience. Of utmost importance, even though you might feel selfish and guilty is “try to take a break”. If you can, allow yourself to take some time away, even if it is only a few minutes to take a walk, sometimes all we need is some space to clear the cobwebs. Another way of relaxing may be having a nap, by making sure that you are getting a regular sleep, this will mean you are better prepared to make good decisions and allow you to be more patient with your children.

It is also important to recognise how caring for a child with an Autism spectrum disorder can affect the family. When caring for a child who has special needs, we can become centred on them often forgetting that other children may need the same love and attention. It is therefore essential that you are able to devote time to their needs as much as it may be difficult. If you or someone you know need coping strategies, counselling can be an effective way to implement the changes you may need to make.

Quote of the Month

Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are. -Bernice Johnson Reagon

References

Autism speaks (2011)

Autism Spectrum Australia (2011)

There is no magic answer to why some children, runaway from home, each case is different because no one situation or family is the same. There is a school of thought who believes that children who run away from home do so because of a deep depression or anxiety and lack of coping skills. Whilst this may be true for some, there are a number of reasons that children runaway, for example.

• They may feel that life at home is too restrictive
• They may want to be with their friend or boyfriend/ girlfriend.
• They may not like their parents new partner or the partner’s children
• Drug or alcohol misuse
• Sexuality issues (identity/confusion)
• Conflict in family relationships
• Some leave home following an argument in the heat of the moment and feel too embarrassed or scared to return
• They may be feeling out of control, trapped, angry, confused and may not know what else to do.
• Some leave home because they no longer feel safe and this could be for many reasons including physical abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse.

What can parents do?

The most important things a parent can do when they discover their child has run away from home, is to stay calm and think the situation through rationally. First, go to the child’s room, did they take money, clothes, possessions, is there any clues as to where they might have gone and did they leave a note. It is important to find out if they are ‘running away’ from something or ‘running towards’ something.

The next step would be to contact the parents of their friends to find out what they know, if you do discover your child is with friends, let them know you are worried, that you love them and want to talk about what is upsetting them.

One of the most important things you could do is to organise counselling for both parents and the child together as well as individually. It is important that you keep an “open door” attitude to their return, should they wish to. More often than not words said in anger will only compound the problem.

There is a range of emotions that parents will go through after a child runs away, whether they are found or not. It is important both parents to seek counselling, there is no point bringing a child back into the same environment as when they left, because it won’t make them stay. Some parents when their children return, decide to give their child gifts to welcome them back, but the reality of this is that you are rewarding them for running away and sending them the wrong message, instead try to work together on ways to make things different.

Quote of the Month
“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success” - Henry Ford

References

http://www.cafs.com.au/files/Parents%20Dealing%20With%20Runaways%20-%20Natalie%20Robinson.pdf

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1835

http://thinkexist.com/quotation/coming_together_is_a_beginning-keeping_together/146314.html

With the recent news reports concerning the possible discovery of Daniel Morcombe’s remains, our heart goes out to the friends and family members and we hope that they find some of the answers to the questions they’ve been asking since his disappearance. The disappearance of a child is especially upsetting not only to friends and family members but also to the public.

People often identify with the victims as well as their families because we consider children to be sacred, we see our children as “innocents” who haven’t been corrupted by outside influences. So when a child disappears, we can identify, because we are all children, we may also be brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, grandparent, aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews or friends of that child. For this month we will be focusing on child abduction in Australia, in future editions we will also consider children who become ‘runaways’.

Parental Child Abduction

Child abduction is a disturbing but real threat in our fast paced society, most if not all of us would have heard about child abductions/murder no matter what country we live in. In Australia the case of Daniel Morcombe has highlighted this for the Australian public. But there are many different types of child abduction and today we will be focusing on one that people may not be as familiar with that is Parental Child Abductions. What many people may not know is that the high proportionate of child abduction cases are because of child custody disputes, with the increase in marriage break ups and ease with which people can travel overseas and emigrate means that the problem will only get worse.

Some may ask, is it really child abduction if a parent takes their child without telling the other parent, they are after all the child’s parent. In Australian law the answer is not a case of black and white it is indeed a ‘gray area’. This is because it all depends on whether there is any valid parenting orders or custody arrangements in place. There is also the problem of parents who take their children abroad, in an attempt to prevent access by the other parent. More often than not, these cases are difficult to process because it depends on what countries the children were taken to.

Australia is a signatory of the Hague Convention which is an international treaty that tries to ensure that children who are wrongfully removed or wrongfully retained by a parent, will be returned as quickly as possible to the country in which they habitually reside so that issues of parental responsibility can be resolved by the courts in that country. However, if the country that the child has been taken to is NOT part of the Hague Convention, then the parent must pursue the return of their child through the legal system in that country. This is often an expensive and time consuming process.

If you are interested in finding out more information regarding International Parental Child Abduction, and how the Hague Convention operates please visit the Australian Government’s Attorney-General’s Department.

If you or someone you know needs to discuss this issue or issues relating to child custody matters, we have a number of qualified counsellors and psychologist who would be able to help to implement strategies, in dealing with this problem.

Thought of the Month

The abduction of a child is a tragedy. No one can fully understand or appreciate what a parent goes through at such a time, unless they have faced a similar tragedy. Every parent responds differently. Each parent copes with this nightmare in the best way he or she knows how. – John Walsh

For the last few months there has been a debate raging among Australians about the arrival of a US–style child beauty contest which is loosely based on the TV Series, ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’; where contestants as young as 12 months of age, are participating in these pageantry events. What many people may not realise, is that there is a number of pageants already in Australia and have been operating for a number of years, one example is the “Little Miss Sparkle” competition.

Pro campaigners, claim that the US style pageants are about teaching and fostering self esteem, confidence, poise and etiquette.

The main argument, against this style of child pageant is that these US style pageants sexualise children; they turn innocent children into twirling, prancing sirens with come hither looks. These pageants foster the belief that outer beauty is paramount and that winning is all that matters. This type of attitude is certainly not healthy especially for a child who is still developing, for those children that lose; the damage to their self esteem and confidence can impact on their adult life and could lead to body image problems, eating disorders and mental illness down the track.

However, one of the main differences between the Australian “Little Miss Sparkle” competition and the US Style Pageants, is that this Australian competition is a ‘natural pageant’ which means, anything fake is banned, i.e. fake tan, fake eyelashes, fake nails, waxing is prohibited unless it is for medical reasons. Clothes can be sparkly, but must be age appropriate. The main difference between the “Little Miss Sparkle’ events and the US style pageants, is that Pro Am moves are discourages.
Pro-Am in pageantry is an inventive style of modelling combining upbeat walking, cheerleading, and dance routines with a quick series of poses performed as though modelling for a fashion magazine. These include embellished turns, hand and head gestures like ‘Oohs’ and ‘Aahs’, ‘Rip-Off’ when part of the costume is removed during the routine and is used as a prop, and many more besides all performed to very high energy music. It is these moves that many of the anti pageants campaigners most object to. These moves are seen as sexualising children and can teach our children the wrong values.

Whilst it is true little girls have always enjoyed dressing up and playing with make up; what is important to realise is that dressing up at home with mum’s old clothes, heels and lipstick is vastly different to the US Style beauty pageant criteria. What has become apparent with all the attention that these US Style pageants have raised, is the need for there to be a focus on allowing children to be children, that fake tanning and heavy makeup on toddlers may be okay for other countries, but that Australians believes that their children should be allowed to be themselves and express themselves in a natural and playful way. Whilst there are many pro and cons for child beauty pageants, it is important to recognise that it is the choice of the child as to whether they want to participate in these pageants, but it is the responsibility of the parents to ensure that their children are indeed portrayed as children.

Useful Sources

• Australian Kids Pageants Pty Ltd
• Essential baby Info, (May 3 2011) Tiara’s before bed time
• Thought of the Months, Quotes on building self esteem

As of the 1st July, our prices will be increasing, so they are more in line with the recommended pricing of the APS & AASW, since they have been frozen for the last few years. The increase is not substantial and if you have any queries please feel free to contact our office on (07) 3862 6622.We’d also like to welcome back the Principal of our Practice Jenny Collier who has been in the United Kingdom for the last month completing a placement and also attended the WAS Sexual Health Conference in Glasgow.

Thought of the Month

“Life has no limitations, except the ones you make” – Les Brown

The Myths of Counselling

Over the years there have been many negative connotations to what people think counselling is. This newsletter will focus on these issues.

Myth 1: One Session Fix

Many people think that one single session is all they need and for some this can be the case. However, most often there is no quick fix: the first session is an introduction, it is important to know if there is a bond between the counsellor and the client. There is no point in having six sessions with a counsellor or a psychologist, if the person doesn’t feel that they are benefitting. There is also a need for the client to feel comfortable discussing their problems. We find that the counselling experience is a lot like an onion, there are many layers to the problems that a person may be experiencing and the more you peel back those layers, more often than not, the real problem presents itself. Some people might need a session, to talk through a problem, and one session may be all that is needed. However, this is not often the case.

Myth 2: The Quick Fix

Some people come to counselling expecting that once they’ve told the social worker or psychologist, what the problem is, that the counsellor will then give them a solution, and that’s the end of that. The truth is that there are no quick fixes in counselling, you get out what you put in. It is not the role of the counsellor to tell a person what they should or shouldn’t do; their role, is as a facilitator. The only person who can solve your problem is yourself, social workers and psychologists merely provide the framework and the tools for the client to find the solution.

Myth 3: Counsellors Pick Favourites

In relationship counselling, one common myth that some people talk about is the ‘blame game’ they feel that if they are able to tell the social worker or psychologist what is happening that they’ll be on their side. Another example is where one party may be hesitant to attend counselling, for example a man may feel that a female social worker or psychologist is more likely to take the side of the woman within the session. However, the counsellor is merely a facilitator, and must remain objective throughout the counselling relationship.

Myth 4: Change is Simple

Change is not always simple and may take some time and energy to happen. Just because someone has given you the tools to change your life, doesn’t mean there is a straight path ahead of you, life isn’t a straight line, it has curves and bumps and sometimes we take the wrong off ramp and have to find our way back. Counselling is not a quick fix solution to the problem, but when it does start to work, it is certainly a happy occasion.

Jenny Collier, the principal of our practice, will be on sabbatical for the next 5 weeks, as she is completing a placement in the United Kingdom and taking some much deserved personal time. Jenny will be unavailable between the 20th May 2011 and 25th June 2011. We have a team of Social Workers, Psychologists and Clinical Psychologists who work within our practice, should you need to see someone during Jenny’s absence.

As of the 1st July, our prices will be increasing, so they are more in line with the recommended pricing of the APS & AASW, since they have been frozen for the last few years. The increase is not substantial and if you have any queries please feel free to contact our office on (07) 3862 6622.

When can a child be a child?

Twenty years ago, society was more open, children could play in the front yard or go to a friend’s house without their parents fretting too much, these days parents have become fearful of what their children may become exposed to. Many parents are fearful because our children are being exposed to the dangers of the world, before they are old enough to understand what they are being told.

For some, our lives have become so busy and hectic that we don’t stop to realise that children are extremely perceptive and as much as we try to shield them from what is happening, they know that something is wrong.

One area that we have noticed a rising trend in: is the stress that exams and high school can place on a teenager. This stress can manifest itself in a number of ways, including:

• Difficulty sleeping
• Anxiety
• Over or under-eating
• Behavioural changes.
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Zoning out for hours in from of TV or computer

What many parents don’t realise is that high school can be extremely stressful, not only do teens feel the need to succeed, but many have parents or family members who have high expectations. Some schools also place pressure on students to succeed in their studies. For many the sheer volume of homework is a daunting prospect. So it is not surprising then, that teenagers are having to grow up and know there future, before they are able to understand what is happening. We have become so structured in our thinking that by the time our children graduate from high school, they become lost, because they are faced with too many choices. An apt description would be walking into a candy store, and being told to choose one from a possible hundred.

However it isn’t just the parent who may have expectations about their children; society tells these young people, that they are the next generation and should contribute to those who have been before them. That they should know what it is they should do with their lives. This is hardly going to help reduce the anxiety or stress that many high school students face.

There are a number of healthy ways to reduce stress in addition to counselling which enable a person to understand what may be causing the stressor in their life and how to address them in future. Some useful ways to relax and recharge are:

• Writing in a journal – if you know what is causing the stressor, then it becomes easier to overcome the problem.
• Listen to music – watch a movie with family – take a time out if it all becomes too much
• Connect with others – i.e. friends or family
• Exercise regularly – i.e. Go for a walk, or find a sport that you enjoy
• Eat a healthy diet
• Reduce caffeine and sugar – which will allow you to relax and sleep better
• Make sure you are getting enough sleep, often stress can be exacerbated by a lack of sleep.

Thought of the Month
“Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.” – Maureen Killoran

Useful References

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

Welcome back, it is hard to believe that we are nearing the end of April, this year has flown blown us all. We would like to wish Beverley Hulme, one of our psychologists who will be away for the next few months, traversing the oceans in her sail boat, good luck and a safe return. We’d also like to welcome Dr. Katherine Horrigan, a clinical psychologist, who will be joining our team. Katherine specialises in the area of children and substance addictions and she is a welcome addition to our practice.

With the Easter long weekend fast approaching, for many it will be a time where families and friends gather to spend time with one another. For this newsletter, we thought it might be useful to discuss the importance of implementing boundaries in relationships and friendships.

Boundaries: What are they?

For many people, no matter what time of year it is they’re unable to respect the wishes of those around them. Family events become a time where they feel their needs are above those of others. Boundaries are important in any relationship because they provide the structure that some relationships require.
Boundaries define who we are, they establish an order in our lives and many of these are unspoken rules that we and those around us abide by, for example we know stealing is illegal. But what many people find difficult to accept, aside from boundaries for material objects, it the importance of implementing emotional, physical, spiritual and mental boundaries for self.

Am I a ‘Yes’ Person?

It is essential to know when to say “Yes” and when to say “No”. Sometimes people feel that the only option is to say “Yes”, whether this is because they have gotten into the habit of behaving this way, or out of fear of rejection. If you are a ‘Yes’ person, you may be feeling, broken, lonely, angry, distressed, victimized, anxious, unsupported, exhausted and empty. You’ll often find yourself saying ‘Yes’ when you clearly feel it should be a ‘No’. For some even when you say ‘no’, others disregard this, and you let them blur the lines.
For people who have lost themselves within a relationship and the lines between boundaries have blurred, it is important to take back control in your life, because no one has the right to breach your personal and emotional boundaries unless you let them. Set the rules with people; if they are having difficulty respecting your boundaries and your wishes, reinforce: it may become tiring but it is important to not lose yourself. If others are unwilling to concede, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your relationship or friendship. The most important thing here is reinforcement, if you say “No”, you have to mean it, and by reinforcing yourself, you are setting the boundaries and the rules by which you wish to live.

It can be hard though….

Sometimes though, it is easier said than done, it’s all well and good for someone to advocate standing up for oneself and setting boundaries; the reality though, is that sometimes it isn’t easy to change a lifetime of being a ‘Yes’ person. Saying ‘No’ can wear a person down; sometimes we might even fall back into bad behaviours, because it is easier or we feel guilty because we are afraid of how others will perceive us. If you are unclear of who you are and how you feel you deserve to be treated, there is always going to be someone who can penetrate your boundaries and mould you into who and what they want. Boundary-setting, is based on the belief in ourselves: if you are unclear about your boundaries or sending the wrong signal to those around you, counselling can be helpful in redirecting your resolve. We can provide strategies and positive reinforcement about one’s self, and enable you to develop and effectively implement boundaries in relationships.

Thought of the Month

When you respect your own “NO!” then others will, too. - Anonymous
Sometimes, “No” has to be so strong that there are many fences around it to make sure it stays, “No.” – Anonymous
http://www.inspirational-motivational-quotes.com/giving-quotes.html

The year to date, has been one crisis after another, first Australia experienced wide spread flooding, then earthquakes rocked New Zealand, again, this time causing extensive damage and loss of life. Now Japan is facing the mammoth task of rebuilding after the tsunami wiped out many thousands of lives. The true cost of these disasters will be tallied up over the coming months and the effects will be felt for many years.

Our January and February issues of our newsletter focussed on coping with a crisis in the short term and symptoms of psychological trauma to look out for over the coming months. This month we are going to look at how these traumatic events have or will impact on the first responders and helpers during these events.

The first responders and emergency workers

Whilst there are many support mechanisms in place for the first responders to natural events, such as access to counselling and so forth, there is often a stigma attached. For many, the enormity of the event and how it impacts on the community is more important that anything they might have felt or seen. So, rather than utilising the mechanisms in place they put aside their feelings to be addressed at a later date. But somehow, something else happens and eventually they don’t have the time or they feel they’ve processed what has happened and are fine.

There are a number of counselling methods used; however these all depend on the situation, the number of people involved and their proximity to the event. The most common types are for critical incident stress management, which include defusing, debriefing and follow – up.

Defusing is one of the most important counselling tools for people who work in high risk employment and emergency services. It involves sitting down and talking to a counsellor the day of or within 24 hours of witnessing an event or natural disaster. It is designed to assure the person that their feelings are normal and informs them of what symptoms to watch for and offer any assistance that may be required.

Debriefing, is more involved and allows the person to talk about what has happened, how they feel about it, and discuss coping mechanisms. It also enables a person to identify if anyone is at risk or not coping as well as they could be. It is about recognising if a person is safe and able to cope well and if necessary refer them onto individual counselling with a professional. It is usually carried out within 72 hours of witnessing the event.

Follow up is also important as it allows the counsellor to ascertain how a person is coping, this is usually done one week after the event.

All emergency services in Queensland offer this type of critical incident counselling, however, for some whilst initially they don’t present with any psychological or physical symptoms. They may experience difficulties weeks or months after the event, this means that they sometimes fall through the cracks.

For this type of trauma; counselling is very important, so if you or someone you know, find that they are experiencing difficulties. It is important to seek help, and be assured that what you are feeling is quite understandable, after witnessing the effects of a natural disaster or traumatic event.

Thought of the Month

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.- Confucius