eNEWSLETTER
November 2004
Our Mission Statement:
"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."
Welcome to Clayfield Counselling Services November eNewsletter!
Well storm season has arrived, the jacarandas are in full bloom and Christmas is fast approaching. If you’ve got a teenager at home who is about to finish their HSC, chances are the mere mention of “Schoolies Week” makes you break out in a cold sweat or at the very least, is enough to strike a chord of apprehension in your heart.
Schoolies week has become something of a rite of passage for teenagers but is it really an adequate entry to adulthood? What exactly does being an adult entail and are we giving teenagers today ample opportunity to test out the waters before we throw them in the deep end?
A Rite of Passage
Adolescence is the years of trial and tribulation children must experience in order to grow into adults. Parents often try to protect their children from the pain and uncertainty of adolescence, failing to understand that the process of facing and dealing with the hurdles of this period builds a teenager’s self-confidence and often has a huge impact on the kind of adult the teenager becomes.
A sense of self and a clear understanding of right and wrong should have already been instilled in a child by the time he or she has reached adolescence. The teenage years are a time for parents to begin to let go and encourage their child to make decisions for him or herself, and to learn to deal with the consequences.
Allow them to feel competent According to Joan Lipsitz, Educational Program Director of the Lily Endowment, "We give youngsters few opportunities to feel competent at a time in their lives when they need to feel competent. When we tell them to act responsibly, do we only mean take out the garbage?" When it comes to children and responsibility, there’s no hard and fast rule about how much to give or how soon. Every child is different and ultimately this decision has to be made by the parents. It all comes down to trust; trust in your parenting ability and trust in your child.
Simple steps to Responsibility
- Infancy and Toddlerhood
Begin to set boundaries, don’t reward bad behaviour. - Early childhood
Give children simple chores such as picking up after themselves. This builds their self-esteem. Teach them that their actions have consequences by rewarding a job well done and if the chores aren’t done, refuse to allow the child to do something she or he would like to do until their chores are finished. - School Age to Preteen
Continue to reinforce the idea that actions have consequences. A good way to teach children about financial matters is to introduce an allowance, perhaps adding an extra bonus for chores that are particularly well done. - Teenager
A teenage child should already have a good understanding of right and wrong. Now it’s time for the teenager to be given the freedom to draw on what he or she learned as a child and to make decisions based on those values. Essentially, the teenager is a trainee adult. - Young adulthood
The training wheels come off and legally the child is no longer a child but an adult. The parental guidance a child is given has an enormous affect on the choices he or she makes as an adult, but it is time for parents to step back and encourage their son or daughter to make their own decisions. There’s nothing wrong with continuing to offer some guidance occasionally though- as long as it’s asked for.
Just remember in your desire to love and protect your kids you may actually be doing them a disservice if you’re holding on too tightly. So next time your teen wants to make an important decision don’t be too quick to tell them you don’t trust them to make it.
Some interesting sites:
- http://www.schoolies.org.au/
- http://ms.essortment.com/childraisingad_rcsp.htm
- http://www.midwaycenter.com/david.html
- http://www.collegeofcelebrancy.com/Conference/Quotes.html
Office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.
Until next time then...
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." - Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874
The editorial team at Clayfield Counselling Services