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eNEWSLETTER
December 2004

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Welcome to Clayfield Counselling Services December eNewsletter!

Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, peace and goodwill but the reality is often very different. For many people, the approach of the festive season heralds the annual nightmare of going into debt by spending too much money on gifts, food and decorations in order to play happy families with a family that is anything but happy.

Although we are bombarded with images of the “perfect” family at Christmas time, the reality is that many of us don’t belong to a “perfect” family and we often feel pressured to justify our family to the rest of society. That “perfect” family we see in the media and advertisements tends to make us all too aware of the flaws- whether real or perceived- in ourselves and our family and this is perhaps one of the reasons that many counsellors find themselves extremely busy during this period.

Christmas traditions

With divorce and remarriage common occurrences today, many people will share Christmas this year with a step-family. Every family has different Christmas traditions and although the merging of two families can be an enriching experience, choosing which traditions to observe is often a cause of stress and sadness for members of the blended family. Talk to all the members of your family (including your ex partner where appropriate) about this and decide which traditions you all wish to observe this Christmas. Be willing to be flexible and perhaps even start a few new traditions that belong just to your new blended family.

Make room for grief

If you and/or your children are part of a blended family, chances are there will be an absent parent at your Christmas celebrations this year. It isn’t unusual for children to feel sad or guilty about not spending Christmas with their absent parent, nor is it unusual for the adults to feel some grief or guilt about this situation. Keep the lines of communication open and be patient.

Dealing with Loneliness

At Christmas, all the emphasis on family and togetherness can make people such as single parents and people without family or who are separated or estranged from their family feel very lonely. Try to focus on the positives in your life and reach out to the people around you; it might be surprising to discover just how many friends you have. Volunteer work is also a great way to ease loneliness and you’ll likely bring joy to someone else’s life at the same time.

Christmas time travel

Christmas traditions have a way of bringing back memories which trigger old emotions and unresolved issues, especially when we are seated around a table with immediate family members and relatives we don’t see often. We react as the children we once were and not the adults we are. Joanna Poppink says, “Maybe the holiday blues are really a lack of synchronicity because so many of us are careening through time. Perhaps we need to allow ourselves and others to go where we must and come back again. Then we might be able to let go of holiday expectations seen through the eyes of another era.

If we are tender and accepting of holiday time travel, we might be more free and able to enjoy love that is here and now.”

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Until next time then...
"Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect." - Oren Arnold

The editorial team at Clayfield Counselling Services

 

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