eNEWSLETTER
December 2005
Our Mission Statement:
"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."
Welcome to the December edition of the CCS eNewsletter.
Well Santa’s checking his list, Rudolf’s polishing his nose, the North Star is shining, the angels are singing and the carollers are reminding us that Christ is born. Yep it’s Christmas again, peace on earth, good will to all. The cynics amongst us are mumbling “bah humbug” under their breath, the black sheep are dreading spending a whole day with their relatives and the desperate-to-please are shopping themselves into more debt. Mention Christmas to children though and watch the transformation! Their eyes light up, their faces shine and they’ll spout off a list of things they want a mile long. Do you remember when you were one of those kids? Remember when you dared to hope and dream for all the things you wanted and on Christmas morning you raced to the tree fully expecting to find your heart’s desire?
Harsh Lessons
Life beats this out of us. Disappointments and hurt chip away at our childish hope and joy. We learn that life isn’t fair and we don’t always get what we want. We learn that loving someone doesn’t mean we’ll be loved back, trusting someone doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy and sometimes our best just isn’t good enough. So we keep a stiff upper lip, we pretend we’re too grown up to really care and we hide our hearts along with all our wants and wishes. We wall up our inner child behind life’s harsh lessons. Christmas becomes commercialised, just another reminder that real life isn’t magical.
Expect to be disappointed
The child we once were never really leaves us. In his book, Your Inner Child of the Past W. Hugh Missildine says, “Your childhood, in an actual, literal sense, exists within you now. It affects everything you do, everything you feel.” (1963, p 3) We spoke last month of labels and how we can choose to rewrite our inner scripts, but we can also choose to unlearn some of the detrimental false lessons we’ve picked up along the way and allow our inner child to hope again. You’ve heard “you are what you eat” and if you’ve read last month’s newsletter you’ll understand why “you are what you think”. When it comes to life, you may not always get what you want but you do tend to get what you expect and if you are living your life with your inner child expecting disappointment, chances are that’s what you’ll experience in life.
Getting along with your inner child
Many of the people who come to us for help at Clayfield Counselling Services come from very dysfunctional families and their childhood experiences are so powerful that they impact, often negatively, on their adult life. They think by trying to disassociate themselves from their past, by pushing away memories or blocking them with drugs, alcohol, gambling, violence or other self destructive behaviour they can escape their past and it won’t hurt anymore. It never works of course. You can’t escape your past, but you don’t have to be a victim of it for the rest of your life. You can learn to look at your past honestly, be a parent to your inner child, and to develop a mutual respect for him/her. (Missildine, 1963, p. 6) Going back to the past can be a tough journey and it’s best to take along a counsellor for company. If you think it’s time you faced your past, why not phone us in the New Year and make an appointment?
Lemonade from Lemons
Of course life is filled with ups and downs. C.S. Lewis (1961) writes, “One never meets just Cancer, or War, or Unhappiness (or Happiness). One only meets each hour or moment that comes… Many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst”. That’s life; but it’s how we respond to the circumstances we find ourselves in that makes all the difference. This Christmas, no matter where you are and who you’re with, dare to hope and expect the best for yourself and those you love. If things don’t appear to be going the way you’d like them to, have another look and see if those lemons aren’t really just potential lemonade. It’s hope that makes all the difference. Look for your hearts desire under the tree this year and expect to find it- you never know it might just be there!
Some interesting links
Office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.
Until next time then...
"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug." - Patricia Neal