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eNEWSLETTER
August 2006

Our Mission Statement:
"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."

Father’s Day

Welcome to the August 2006 edition of Clayfield Counselling Services e-newsletter. With Father’s Day just around the corner we thought we’d dedicate this month’s newsletter to all the dads out there.

When a baby is born, the focus is usually on mum and baby and the importance of them bonding, so dads can sometimes feel like a third wheel. We all know what an important and difficult job mums have but research has shown that dads are just as important in the emotional, intellectual and physical development of their kids and that dads bring their own unique contributions; they’re not just a stand in for mum.

Special ways Dads contribute

On average, when compared with children of less involved fathers;

• Children of highly involved fathers show increased cognitive competence, increased empathy, enhanced school performance, greater motivation to succeed, enhanced social development and self-esteem, less sex-stereotyped beliefs, stronger sexual identity and character, and more intrinsic motivation.
• Children of highly involved fathers have fewer psychological and behavioral problems, are less likely to become delinquent, and are less likely to use drugs.

-from The Importance of Fathers
http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/pubs/mt2000-08.html

Strengthen your relationship with your kids

Here are some ways you can improve your relationship with your kids:

1. Love and respect their mum: Your relationship with the mother of your children can greatly affect the way your kids develop. They have a better chance of growing up to be well adjusted, self confident adults, capable of sustaining healthy relationships of their own if their parents love and respect each other. Don’t make the mistake of neglecting your wife in order to spend more quality time with the kids. Plan a date with her every week and organise a babysitter for the kids, spend time snuggling in front of the TV together, dine together, phone each other during the day and nurture your relationship. If you and your children’s mother have divorced or separated, always be respectful of her and don’t run her down in front of your kids.
2. Make a date with your kids: Give their mother a break and do something special with just you and the kids. Remember you have qualities to offer your children that nobody else can. Make sure each child gets a chance to spend some time alone with you. Be willing to listen to them, turn off the television and give them your undivided attention.
3. Play with them- Research shows that dads play with their kids differently to mums and are usually rougher in their play style. Kids tend to go to mum when they need comforting but they go to dad when they want a playmate.
4. Talk to other parents and especially other fathers about being a dad- Don’t be afraid to learn from others and be willing to share what you’ve learned.

Who is your child’s hero?

In the big scheme of things, money and material goods aren’t important to kids. It doesn’t matter what your job title is, or how much you’re paid. It doesn’t matter whether your hairline is receding or your waistline is expanding. It doesn’t matter what car you drive or what house you live in. A child’s priorities are pretty simple. If you’re there for them; if you teach them, discipline them, play with them, read to them and let them know you love them, then your kids will love you with all their heart and it’s very likely that you’ll be a hero in their eyes. So if you’ve been working hard for that promotion and reasoning that the time you spend with your kids is worth sacrificing if it means you’re securing their future, stop for a moment and ask yourself what kind of future will they have if the only memories they have of Daddy is that he was never there.

We hope all the dads out there have a great day on Father’s Day and remember that you fill a role in your kid’s life that nobody else can fill. Your kids never stop needing you; no matter how grown up they are so if you’ve made some mistakes in the past, it’s never too late to make a change for the better.

Healing your inner child

If your relationship with your dad was lacking when you were growing up or you’d like to try to improve it now, why not make an appointment to see one of our qualified counsellors? You might even like to bring your father along and work together to heal past issues and strengthen your relationship.

Some interesting links

• http://www.zerotothree.org/fathers.html
• http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/pubs/mt2000-08.html
• http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/library/tentips.html
• http://www.indobase.com/fathersday/fathers-day-quotes.html
• http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/father.htm#imp

Office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.

Until next time then...

“It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.” 
- Anne Sexton

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