eNEWSLETTER
November 2006
Our Mission Statement:
"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."
Welcome to the November edition of Clayfield Counselling Services e-newsletter. November has been an exciting month for us here at CCS. Nella’s self love workshop was a resounding success. Thank you to Nella and all the women that participated in the workshop. We look forward to repeating it in 2007. November has also seen the launch of the new GP Mental Health Care plan which makes counselling accessible and affordable for many clients. For further information please contact us on (07) 3862 6622.
Christmas is fast approaching and every year around this time, we see an increase in new clients. Many of these people are seeking assistance with controlling their anger. The weeks leading up to Christmas are often an emotional time for many people. Old family wounds are brought to the surface again. Worries about money, time and pleasing people constantly niggle. The temperature begins to heat up and for many people, their anger reaches boiling point right along with it.
Hidden anger
The following are just some of the signs of hidden anger;
- Procrastination
- Perpetual lateness
- A liking for sadistic or ironic humour
- Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation
- Over politeness, constant cheerfulness
- Frequent sighing
- Smiling while hurting
These signs may indicate irritation, resentment and anger. Rage is something different again. It completely takes over your whole being and you lose control.
Drugs and alcohol may contribute to angry feelings and the effects of drug and alcohol use are worth considering if anger management is a problem for you.
How can anger be expressed respectfully?
Accept that you are angry and admit it.
- Cool down if you need to.
- Identify the source of your anger
- Separate the energy of your anger (the pent up feelings inside you) from the issue your anger is about (the condition, idea, event or person you feel angry at)
- Decide how and when you will express your anger
- Talk to the other person involved
- Make “I” statements, not “you” statements
- Listen to the other person and be respectful
- Remember that the purpose of communicating your anger is not to “win”, to control, manipulate or bully. It is simply an opportunity for both you and the other person to express yourselves honestly and to find a way to “compromise” or agree to disagree.
Many people mistakenly believe that anger is unhealthy and they not only control their angry outbursts but do their best to quash and deny their angry feelings entirely; sometimes people become so adept at this that they eventually become unaware of their angry feelings at all. This is not healthy. However, emoting without any consideration for other people is also unhealthy and can be very damaging. Anger can only be controlled when it is acknowledged. A person who feels angry can’t control their anger if they deny feeling angry.
Distortions of anger
When a person does not express their anger in a healthy and respectful manner, it often manifests in one or more of the following;
- Blaming
- Sarcasm
- Violence
- Vindictiveness
- Viciousness
- Punitiveness
- Aggression
- Sulking
- Manipulation
- Scapegoating
Bring about change
We learn to express anger during childhood and we tend to carry these childhood habits with us into adulthood. However, habits can be unlearned and replaced with better ones.
There are many skills and techniques a counsellor can teach you that will help you to manage your anger in an honest and emotionally healthy way. Counselling can also help you deal with a person who is expressing their anger in a way that is harmful or distressing to you.
If you or someone close to you has a problem with anger management, why not give us a call on (07) 3862 6622 and make an appointment to see one of our counsellors? We look forward to assisting you.
Some interesting links
Office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.
Until next time then...
“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.”
- Harriet Lerner