eNEWSLETTER
April 2008
Our Mission Statement:
"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."
Welcome to the April edition of Clayfield Counselling Service e-Newsletter, we hope that you all enjoyed a break over the Easter period. Are you or do you know someone who always puts everyone else’s needs before considering their own. They might do this for a number of reasons and while self sacrifice is a noble concept there are pitfalls that you need to watch out for. If you know someone like this then it might prove helpful to read on.
Is their a mask that you present to the world? Do any of these statements apply to you or someone you know?
- I need to be needed then I feel loved
- I need to help others in order to feel liked
- I agree with people around me just to avoid disappointing them even if that’s not how I really feel.
- I always consider “What will other people think?” before considering my own thoughts and views.
- I seem to be always putting other people ahead of myself and I don’t know why?
Ask yourself “DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE?”
Self Sacrifice
Is the excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in many daily situations at the expense of one’s own gratification. The most common reasons for doing this are:
- To prevent causing pain to others
- To avoid feelings of guilt or selfishness
- To maintain a connection and to feel needed
There are two ways people try to help themselves feel accepted and valued. The first is a person who always has to be strong, independent and responsible;
- Someone who helped out at home
- A person who feels the need to always be helpful and accommodating
- Someone who becomes a leader at school or in a club
- A nurturer, always putting the needs of family, friends and co workers first.
Another way to be loved and accepted is when people expect others to come to their rescue. Essentially the self sacrificer is meeting the needs of these people, always wanting to help and come to the rescue and while this isn’t necessarily wrong it can become debilitating. How you may ask, often over time the person can become resentful and it becomes a habit to suppress their own natural inclinations.
Ways to readdress these feelings
- Set limits on giving to others
- Ask to have your needs met
- Assess your resentment and don’t be afraid to ask someone for help
If you feel like talking to a counsellor to assist you in making the changes you need to improve your quality of life. Why not give us a call on (07) 3862 6622.
Some Interesting Sites or Books
- http://www.quotationspage.com/subjects/friendship/
- Jansen, D, Newman M (1998) Really Relating: How to build an enduring relationship, Random House Australia Pty Ltd, Milson’s Point pp. 30-32.
- Lee, Christopher (June 2007) Schema Therapy, PPL Education Services, Sydney
Office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.
Until next time then...
“Everyone needs a strong sense of self. It is our base of operations for everything that we do in life” - Julia T Alvarez