eNEWSLETTER
July 2008
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"Providing a range of innovative professional services, empowering our clients to positively address issues affecting their lives."
Hello and welcome again to another topical eNewsletter; we’d like to thank all our readers for their support and votes in the Quest Business Achiever Awards. For the second year in a row we’ve made the finals for Quests annual Business Achiever in the Professional category, fingers crossed we make it to the Grand finals.
Emotional dependence
Dependence is the belief that one is unable to handle everyday responsibilities in a competent manner without considerable help from others. Do you know someone like this? In everyday life we all look for someone else to fill a gap in our lives, parents look to their children to look after them when they are older, fulfil dreams they themselves could never. Emotional dependence is not limited to parents but frequents in many relationships, one partner may have a constant need for reassurance from the other. The effects of this type of dependence can be damaging in any relationship but there are ways to address these feelings of helplessness often viewed by many as clinginess.
Do you or someone you know
- Have a constant need for reassurance?
- Seek relationship as a source of care and support when another ends?
- Are excessively agreeable and submissive?
- Constantly seek approval from those around you?
- Are you unable to take the initiative and expect those around you will assume responsibility for all the decisions in your life?
Some of the causes of emotional dependence stem from a person’s childhood, whether it is an overprotective parent or parents who were quite strict, both these instances reinforce dependence in the relationship and quite often means children do not develop independent and autonomous behaviours.
Some of the basic belief that emotionally dependant people assume are:
- I am helpless
- I am powerless and others around me are more powerful and in control
- I fear rejection and criticism
- I just want to be loved and nurtured
- I can’t make decisions on my own
- I am needy and weak
What to do?
Learning to let go?
Emotional dependence is the act of transferring “control” away from you to someone else and this is the first step that needs to be addressed. By becoming dependence of those around you give away power that is uniquely yours. You are blinded to your inner strengths resources and power to take care of yourself. Some points to remember
- It is OK to fail and make mistakes because we learn for the future how to fix the,
- It is better for people to become responsible for all aspects of their own lives.
- People need to be independent if they are to experience a full productive life.
It is important to understand that you are not alone and these issues can be alleviated if you seek help. We at Clayfield Counselling have a number of Counsellors that are able to assist you in making the changes necessary in your life. We understand that many people face daily challenges and we recognise that some are afraid to ask for help. Emotional dependence can be crippling and it is an issue that needs to be dealt with before it takes control.
Our office hours are from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. After hours and Saturday appointments are available on request.
Useful References
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Lee, Christopher (June 2007) Schema Therapy, PPL Education Services, Sydney
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Kelly, D (updated 2008) Dependant personalities, http://www.ptypes.com/dependant.html (Accessed 21st July 2008)
- http://www.quotationspage.com/search.php3?homesearch=dependence
Until next time then...
“Maybe the greatest challenge now is to find a way to keep independence while also committing ourselves to the ties that bind people, families and ultimately societies together.” - Jane O’Reilly